Student Finds Nine Pairs of Fake Cojones Inside UPLB USC Office

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A student who requested anonymity discovered a staggering nine pairs of cojones inside the UPLB University “Student Council” Office at the “Student Union” Building Tuesday night.

“Binoto ko itong mga lider-estudyante na ito! Peke pala mga bayag! Jusmiyomarimar!” the student claimed.

Unbeknownst to the UPLB USC, the student was able to enter the USC Office, because someone forgot to lock it.

“Mag-sorry sila kay Tita Racquel,” the student added.

Inside, the student claims to have found a very tiny box. Out of curiosity, the student opened it and found a nine pairs of fake balls each labelled with a letter. The letters are as follows: R, L, T, R, S, D, A, C, I.

The discovery comes just a day after the USC decided through a General Assembly (though they did not fucking consult students anyway) that it will apologize for the disturbance caused by the November 13, 2015 walkout, post an apology at the Humanities and Physical Sciences Buildings, and attend a Leadership Training Seminar.

While disagreeing with the first two because “it is stupid”, the student agrees with the third point.

“Not sure about the first two but hell yeah, they should attend a leadership thing. Wala na silang bayag, wala pa silang leadership!”

The National Union of Students in the Philippines (NUSP) on Wednesday released a statement regarding the decision of the UPLB USC, posting it on Facebook quoting: “Walang mali sa paglaban. May mali kaya lumaban.”

Part of the statement read:

“However, divisiveness in the ranks of student leaders has been exposed as the UPLB University Student Council (UPLB USC) decided with a 9-7 vote to write a public apology regarding the walkout incidence as to submit to the demands of the complainants. This action of UPLB USC is unacceptable and unfathomable. This kind of compromise divides the unified force of the student body. Student councils are called to be vanguards of students’ rights and welfare. Releasing an apology for the students’ unity and collective action against commercialized education is an act of disenfranchisement to every Iskolar ng Bayan who is persistently fighting for the youth’s right to education. In this time of extreme crisis, it is no doubt that to be radical is necessary.

The National Union of Students of the Philippines (NUSP) vehemently condemns the latest repression of the UPLB administration to students who led and joined the walkout protest against the P2.2 billion budget cut. The Union slams the explicit repression of student leaders and of students who fought back against commercialization of education. We believe that this is a concerted effort with the Aquino administration to pacify the voices of the unheard and of those who are ready to fight against the system. In a larger context, such reaction to student movement is a result of the Yellow administration persistently demonizing the youth committed in exposing and opposing the current system of impunity and inequality.

Moreover, we are challenging the UPLB University Student Council to retract its decision of accepting the conditions set to appease the complainants. You are not serving the genuine interests of the students by compromising the most significant principle of any student council: to stand with students’ rights and welfare and to actually be with them in their struggles, at all cause, by all means. Let the Union remind you that it is your mandate to protect and serve the interests of the UPLB student body, not to be a mouthpiece of the administration.

The student movement will never be pacified. We will continue fighting for our democratic rights and for a just system.”

Ironically, the UPLB USC decision came months after it campaigned to “fight for our rights” through the UP system-wide walkouts.

“Natural selection of cojones, I guess,” the student concluded.

 

 

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